First off, let me give a disclaimer: in the past ten years I have been through numerous different churches and Bible studies in numerous contexts and cultures. I have experienced many different styles of worship, all lead by people who clearly love the Lord with all their hearts and want nothing more than to praise Him. I am so thankful for these people who allow God to use them to lead others before His throne in worship. I appreciate all the hard work you put in to using your musical gifts to honor The One who gave them to you.
That being said, if any of you who have lead me in worship over the past couple of years (or in the past 27 years!) happen to read this, please know that it isn't geared at any one of you. This is a trend I am seeing in more and more in contemporary church and worship settings, and it's something that I, too, bought into until just recently. And, I'm wondering if I'm even correct in thinking this way. So, please know that I am not pointing the finger at any worship pastors or worship leaders- I'm simply trying to get people thinking with me, and hoping that some kind of God-honoring conclusion can be drawn.
I grew up in a conservative church. Think pews in rows with hymnbook holders in the back of them, and an actual pulpit- not a podium that could easily be pulled on and off the stage as the worship team exited and the pastor prepared to preach his sermon. We didn't even have a "worship team" until I was in my early teens, just a piano and an organ. One weekend when I was in 6th grade, my best friend and I planned to have a sleepover Saturday night and go to her church on Sunday morning (she came from a denomination that was known for much more emotional worship), and a well-meaning person counseled me beforehand, "Don't lift your hands while worshiping; that shows that you're trying to draw attention to yourself instead of God." I mentioned my concern about "hand-raising" to my friend, and she reassured me that it was not mandated in her church...but she also pulled out her Bible and showed me plenty of verses that spoke of lifting our hands onto the Lord in worship. I was only beginning to take my faith seriously at age 12, but it was in that moment that I decided no one but God was allowed to tell me how to worship Him. If He wanted me to lift my hands, then, I would lift my hands. I remember raising my hands just a bit that Sunday morning in my friend's church and feeling incredibly awkward (even though everyone else was lifting their hands, too) but, hey, if God wanted my hands up, I'd put them up! Maybe there were times when it wasn't appropriate to lift my hands or worship expressively (such as at a Catholic mass, or even back at the conservative, traditional church that my parents attended), but, if I wasn't going to distract others from God, why should I worry about what they thought??
Six years later I had graduated high school and headed of to college. I found in our weekly Intervarsity large group meetings, our "Gazebo" nights (where students gathered at a gazebo in the center of campus for a time of worship), and the large, contemporary church I attended, it was much more the norm to lift your hands, get on your knees, or whatever else you felt like doing before the Lord. My relationship with God grew by leaps and bounds during my college years; He used many means to reveal Himself to me and draw me closer to Him, but one of the most prominent was discovering what it meant to truly worship Him with reckless abandon, and realize that all that I could give Him in worship was just a drop in the ocean of what He deserved.
And then, I started realizing something I was hearing and seeing in worship services: I have heard worship leaders telling church attendants, "If you're not excited about God right now, I don't know if you know God." I guess that's true; as you come to understand the character and the many attributes of a perfect God, it's impossible not to get excited. If worship leaders just left it there, I would agree wholeheartedly. But, many times over the years, I've heard that statement followed with, "You should be lifting your hands, jumping up and down, screaming these songs at the top of your lungs! You need to be excited about God!"
Uh...
I think back to that moment in 6th grade when I resolved that no one would tell me how to worship God. At that time, I was specifically thinking that no one would tell me I couldn't lift my hands or express myself in any way other than singing. How was that any different than people telling me I needed to be jumping up and down screaming during worship, that doing so proved my salvation or my maturity in my faith?
One thing I have come to realize does not honor God: trying to be something I'm not in order to please others. During my time on the mission field this past year, one thing that God was continually drilling into me was, "You're an introvert. I made you an introvert. Don't try to change that, just be who I made you to be." I think I had been hearing the "You need to be jumping around and screaming if you love Jesus!" line for many years, and I think I believed it- hey, I have an acting background and I was a cheerleader in high school; I can jump around and act excited. But, with the realization that introversion is part of my God given design came the other realization that I don't have to express myself in a way that is unnatural to me. There are some times when I feel like falling on my knees and lifting my hands as high as I can...but, usually, I don't. My heart can be fully fixed on God and on worshiping Him, but I don't feel the need to express myself outwardly by doing more than maybe lifting my hands or maybe kneeling...if anything at all. As far as the "screaming the words at the top of your lungs," I don't have a very loud singing voice. Trying to scream the songs at the top of my lungs will probably result in a sore throat and vocal-chord damage...but, I really don't think the volume of worship itself is what brings glory to God! If He can hear my innermost thoughts; I'm sure He can hear my soft singing voice just fine! I could pretend to be an extroverted, expressive worshiper...but I won't fool God. All I would be doing would be trying to appease others present, trying to prove that, yes, I am a born again Believer; yes, I am mature in my faith- see? I'll wave my hands in the air and scream until my throat hurts to prove it!! Meanwhile, God would probably be watching me, shaking His head and saying, "Are you trying to please Me, your Maker, or other men with your 'worship'? If it's the former, than be who I made you to be!!"
I'm not saying worship should always feel comfortable or natural. I'm not saying that coming before the throne of God shouldn't stir our hearts in wild and crazy ways. I'm definitely not saying that it's wrong to be an expressive worshiper who jumps up and down and screams out songs. What I have a problem with is being told that I need to worship a certain way, or my love for the Lord will be brought into question. I want to look at the worship leaders who say that and ask, "Are you worshiping right now, or are you watching me and critiquing my worship?" If we want others to worship God, shouldn't we be modeling by giving Him our wholehearted worship, instead of focusing on others and telling them they're doing it wrong?
Some of the most meaningful times of musical worship that I have experienced have begun with a Bible passage or a reflection that point to who God is- how Holy, Awesome, and Merciful He is. That He is worthy of all that we can give Him and so much more. That's when my heart can focus on Him, and nothing else matters- I forget if I'm tired, stressed, looking forward to something after the service, or worried about what someone else thinks of me. It becomes all about Him, and that's exactly what I want my worship to be about.
