This past week was sure to be emotionally charged, no matter what. After an amazing seven months on the mission field in Spain, I flew home, had one week with my family, my Wausau friends, and my church family, and then repacked up my life and headed off to Minneapolis to begin graduate school. There was no way to make a smooth transition as campus move-in day was on Saturday and classes began on Monday (and I don't mean one or two classes- this is an intensive program!).
During this time, God showed Grace to me in more ways than one, including the blessing of a new friend, (the daughter of a former coworker) who invited me to come to church with her on Sunday and then helped me with some post-move shopping. As Jess and I reflected on the sermon after church and discussed God's recent work in our lives, one thing she mentioned was the conviction that, during hard times, she needed to tell God, "Take as long as You need to to refine me and complete Your work in my life." (Not that God "needs" any amount of time- just trying to use human concepts that we can wrap our minds around!!) It is so easy in times of frustration or despair to cry out, "God, what are You trying to show me here?? Hurry up and teach it to me, and then get me out of this!!" I shared my agreement with what Jess was saying, but I didn't know how much I would be put to the test in the days that followed!
Monday came with hard news from home- myself and some of those closest to me were shocked and grieved. On Wednesday, I went to make a withdrawal at an ATM and discovered only $35 in my account, just days after receiving a large refund from my financial aid (which was supposed to last me the entire summer). I rushed home and checked my checking account online, discovering a long list of charges which were not mine. Of course the law is on my side, but it meant precious hours of study time spent on the phone with various companies, and not having access to my money for several days since I had to immediately cancel my check card. Then, yesterday, I climbed into my car (which my parents just gave to me last week to help me get through grad school and student teaching) to go pick up Jess for Bible study and found it wouldn't start. I just needed this car to last me one more year- was it really going to quit on me the first week of school, on top of everything else?? A phone call home to my dad and a bit of detective work revealed that the problem was a dead battery- fixable, but with no access to my own checking account and no knowledge of Minneapolis, how was I supposed to get it fixed? As I sat alone in my room last night trying to focus on some worship music, I remembered the conversation with Jess that I had a week before.
I wanted to know what God was doing. Was He trying to keep me dependent on my parents at age 27? Was He telling me that I shouldn't have gone to graduate school (after I prayed so hard for His will to be made clear to me, and U of MN was the only door that opened)? Why couldn't He just tell me what He wanted to and then let my life go back to normal?!
But He never promised me that trials would be quick or that His work in my life would be instant. It was time for me to look to Him and say, "Take as long as You choose to do Your work in my life, Lord. I trust You, and I will wait on You."
I'm not sure what God's purpose in all this is- to remind me to depend on Him even when I am independent of everyone else? To reinforce the importance of having my finances in order? To keep me from something more dangerous (a purchase I would have regretted or driving my car into danger?). But I know He has a purpose, and He will fulfill it. I know He is too good to fail me and too powerful for circumstances to interfere with His plan for my life. He is God, He is worthy of my praise and my trust, and He can take all the time He chooses to take to refine me and to glorify Himself in it all.
