A few weeks ago I shared this article on my facebook page- to sum it up, this woman explains that she no longer practices abstinence because she is waiting for marriage- she practices abstinence because it's what God commanded her to do. If He chooses to give her a husband someday, great, if not, she will remain a virgin for as long as she lives.
My parents gave me a True Love Waits ring for Christmas when I was 14, but, unfortunately, it was a size 7 ring on my size 5 hand, so it eventually fell off and was lost forever. When I was in college, I purchased a replacement (in a size 5!) and I also purchased a second ring as a gift for my best friend, Heather. Heather had already met the man of her dreams, but, as an 18-year-old college freshman, marriage was still a ways off. She and her boyfriend had chosen to wait, and the ring was a perfect symbol of her commitment. She wore hers for the next five years until he replaced it with a wedding band. I had the privilege of being one of her bridesmaids and had the perfect view of their long-awaited wedding ceremony.
I continued to wear my own True Love Waits ring and believed what it meant- I was waiting for my future husband, just as Heather and many of my other friends had done. I graduated college, served in Americorps for a year, and raised support to go on the mission field- I'm now just waiting on my visa so I can go. I am 26 years old, and no prospect of marriage is in sight.
For Heather, perhaps a True Love Waits ring was the right choice- she knew that God had called her to the roll of a wife; she was just waiting for the day when they were officially united in marriage. But, after reading the above article, I began to question if a True Love Waits ring was really what I should be wearing.
I realized I shouldn't be "waiting" on marriage- because marriage is something that God never promised me. I sincerely hope that He will choose to give me a husband and biological children someday, but it's not about what I want. My life is Soli Deo Gloria- for the Glory of God Alone. As long as He is more glorified by keeping me single than by giving me a husband and children, I will remain single- even if it's for all my life. At any rate, right now, He hasn't called me to step into the role of a wife yet, like He has called Heather. He has called me to go on the mission field, and to do it as a single woman. As I said, I hope He will choose to give me a husband someday, but I'm not going to sit around "waiting" for it. Yesterday, I took off my True Love Waits ring for the first time in years.
I found a different ring to replace it. It has a Cross cut out of it with a white stone in the middle of it, and, on the other side the words "I am my Beloved's and He is mine, (Song of Solomon, 6:3)" are engraved.
In 1 Corinthians 6:20, we are reminded "You were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your body." On the Cross, Jesus paid the price for me and redeemed me by laying down His life. I am a virgin because my Beloved Savior paid the price for me to be His, and He is the one who has commanded me to stay pure. I am His...and He is mine. He is the one who fulfills me and completes me in a way that no earthly relationship ever could. Contrary to many of society's messages, I do NOT need a husband to be satisfied, and no husband ever could satisfy me- that's something that only my Creator can do.
If God does choose to give me a husband someday, I look forward to experiencing all the blessings that come with a God-centered marriage. But, as long as He chooses to keep me single- even if He keeps me single all my life- I will delight in Him, I will place my hope in the things that He has promised me, and I will remain sexually pure, because I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Facebook Fast- Day 7
According to Lent Tradition, I'm allowed to take a break from fasting on Sunday, but I didn't want Sunday to turn into a wasted-day of facebooking. I decided to set a timer for 10 minutes and check facebook just to get rid of all those annoying red boxes at the top of the screen and to make sure no one had sent me any vital information. Well, after about 5 minutes, all the red boxes were gone and I had nothing left to do- I finally just logged out after 7 minutes. What does that say about facebook? I don't need to be on it all day to communicate with friends or know what's going on in their lives- it really is more of a reality escape than I thought.
Monday was a full day with the Everest staff Bible study after school and then going to the Y to workout. Tuesday was a bit less busy, and today was a snow day (which meant midweek Bible study and church was also canceled) so I had the whole day to do stuff other than facebook. I actually sat down and did my Beth Moore studies one day at a time, instead of cramming them all in on Tuesday evening or Wednesday afternoon- I enjoy them so much more when I'm doing them one at a time, and the lessons have so much more time to sink in. I know, I know...duhhhhhh. You'd think that after years of Sunday school lessons and enough schoolwork to earn a BA, I'd have that one figured out by now.
I had a convicting moment on Monday- the student that I normally work with during the afternoon was out sick, so I went to check on another student in the EBD program. The teacher had just called the class to come sit on the floor in the front of the room for an activity, and he quickly sat by a friend who tends to help him get into trouble. I asked him if he thought it was smart to sit there and he said "We can listen, I promise." I told him that was fine, but he wasn't getting any warnings- one time goofing off with his friend and he was moving (using much more positive "teacher-talk," of course). Of course, two minutes in, he's yammering away (loudly) with his friend, and tapped him and whispered, "Come over by me." He "whispered" (loud enough to disrupt the whole class) back, "I'M NOT DOING NOTHING!" in a sharp, whiney tone. I reached over and took his point sheet and dinged him for being disrespectful. Once the activity was over, he came up to me and said that he hadn't "done anything" and I was "getting him into trouble."
"[Name], why did I take points off on your point sheet?" I asked him.
"Because you want to get me in trouble!" he said.
"[Name], do you think that I can't hear you talking to [classmate] when you're supposed to be listening to the teacher?" I asked him.
"I was just telling him that you're always getting me in trouble!!"
Okaaaay, so we were all sitting on the floor listening to the teacher and it was suddenly so urgent for you to tell your friend that I was "getting you in trouble" (by just sitting there near you) that you needed to disrupt your teacher's lesson?
"I didn't ask you what you were talking to your classmate about; I told you that you needed to move, and you refused and talked back to me. That's why you lost points- if you had just moved when I asked, everything would have been fine. But you chose to be disrespectful, and the rule is that you loose points when you're disrespectful."
"No, I always get into trouble because of you!"
Note: I only check on this kid when my regularly assigned student is absent. He's in trouble a lot more often than she is absent. Apparently I get him in trouble on those days, too?
"*sighs* [Name], the sooner you stop blaming other people and start taking responsibility for what you do, the easier your life will be."
(Idk if a third grader could take that in, but what else do you say?!)
That evening I went to Bible study with my coworkers, where we are studying the book of Ruth. The lesson covered the verses where Naomi encourages her two widowed daughter-in-laws to return to their homeland, saying that "The Lord has dealt bitterly with me." Naomi doesn't seem to remember how, before suffering came upon her and her family, she left the land that God had given to her people, went to live for several years in the land that God called "His washbasin," where immorality and idolatry were rampant, and allowed her sons to intermarry with foreign women. Now, she is encouraging her daughter-in-laws to return to their false gods and human sacrifices, rather than come with her and serve her God. And, all the suffering she has faced is soley because God is being mean to her, right?
Granted, Naomi is grieving the loss of her husband and sons, and is unsure of the future- as a woman in Old Testament times, she wouldn't have had any means of providing for herself. In such a dark time, it's easy to be ruled by emotions and say things we don't mean. Even so, Naomi's reaction toward God reminded me of my student's reaction to me- this is YOUR fault, YOU'RE causing all this trouble in my life, and I'm just your victim!
Having been born under a church pew, I'd have to be pretty overwhelmed with emotion before I would consciously blame God for my problems, but how often do I do it in a more subtle way- asking God why He isn't providing for me when I've been careless with money, why I'm so stressed out when I've done nothing but facebook all day, why I'm not healthy when I haven't taken care of myself, why I'm so tired when I've been up all night doing nothing productive. Hmmm...
Monday was a full day with the Everest staff Bible study after school and then going to the Y to workout. Tuesday was a bit less busy, and today was a snow day (which meant midweek Bible study and church was also canceled) so I had the whole day to do stuff other than facebook. I actually sat down and did my Beth Moore studies one day at a time, instead of cramming them all in on Tuesday evening or Wednesday afternoon- I enjoy them so much more when I'm doing them one at a time, and the lessons have so much more time to sink in. I know, I know...duhhhhhh. You'd think that after years of Sunday school lessons and enough schoolwork to earn a BA, I'd have that one figured out by now.
I had a convicting moment on Monday- the student that I normally work with during the afternoon was out sick, so I went to check on another student in the EBD program. The teacher had just called the class to come sit on the floor in the front of the room for an activity, and he quickly sat by a friend who tends to help him get into trouble. I asked him if he thought it was smart to sit there and he said "We can listen, I promise." I told him that was fine, but he wasn't getting any warnings- one time goofing off with his friend and he was moving (using much more positive "teacher-talk," of course). Of course, two minutes in, he's yammering away (loudly) with his friend, and tapped him and whispered, "Come over by me." He "whispered" (loud enough to disrupt the whole class) back, "I'M NOT DOING NOTHING!" in a sharp, whiney tone. I reached over and took his point sheet and dinged him for being disrespectful. Once the activity was over, he came up to me and said that he hadn't "done anything" and I was "getting him into trouble."
"[Name], why did I take points off on your point sheet?" I asked him.
"Because you want to get me in trouble!" he said.
"[Name], do you think that I can't hear you talking to [classmate] when you're supposed to be listening to the teacher?" I asked him.
"I was just telling him that you're always getting me in trouble!!"
Okaaaay, so we were all sitting on the floor listening to the teacher and it was suddenly so urgent for you to tell your friend that I was "getting you in trouble" (by just sitting there near you) that you needed to disrupt your teacher's lesson?
"I didn't ask you what you were talking to your classmate about; I told you that you needed to move, and you refused and talked back to me. That's why you lost points- if you had just moved when I asked, everything would have been fine. But you chose to be disrespectful, and the rule is that you loose points when you're disrespectful."
"No, I always get into trouble because of you!"
Note: I only check on this kid when my regularly assigned student is absent. He's in trouble a lot more often than she is absent. Apparently I get him in trouble on those days, too?
"*sighs* [Name], the sooner you stop blaming other people and start taking responsibility for what you do, the easier your life will be."
(Idk if a third grader could take that in, but what else do you say?!)
That evening I went to Bible study with my coworkers, where we are studying the book of Ruth. The lesson covered the verses where Naomi encourages her two widowed daughter-in-laws to return to their homeland, saying that "The Lord has dealt bitterly with me." Naomi doesn't seem to remember how, before suffering came upon her and her family, she left the land that God had given to her people, went to live for several years in the land that God called "His washbasin," where immorality and idolatry were rampant, and allowed her sons to intermarry with foreign women. Now, she is encouraging her daughter-in-laws to return to their false gods and human sacrifices, rather than come with her and serve her God. And, all the suffering she has faced is soley because God is being mean to her, right?
Granted, Naomi is grieving the loss of her husband and sons, and is unsure of the future- as a woman in Old Testament times, she wouldn't have had any means of providing for herself. In such a dark time, it's easy to be ruled by emotions and say things we don't mean. Even so, Naomi's reaction toward God reminded me of my student's reaction to me- this is YOUR fault, YOU'RE causing all this trouble in my life, and I'm just your victim!
Having been born under a church pew, I'd have to be pretty overwhelmed with emotion before I would consciously blame God for my problems, but how often do I do it in a more subtle way- asking God why He isn't providing for me when I've been careless with money, why I'm so stressed out when I've done nothing but facebook all day, why I'm not healthy when I haven't taken care of myself, why I'm so tired when I've been up all night doing nothing productive. Hmmm...
Friday, February 24, 2012
Facebook Fast- From Tuesday Until Now (Day 3)
Tuesday- "Fat Tuesday"- Frantically try to figure out who's birthday's I'm going to miss and message them to let them know I'll be thinking of them on their birthday. Stalk friends one last time. Update my facebook picture and status to let people know not to attempt to communicate with me via facebook- use email or cell phone (or, hey, maybe even face-to-face communcation!) instead! Yeah, it's only 40 days- I went the first 19 years of my life without facebook; I can handle 40 days.
Wednesday- Get up, go to work, after work kill some time at Target while I wait for my coworkers to get done so we can have prayer meeting, run into Kari and baby Cael at Target, vent about how expensive clothes are with Kari, watch Cael while Kari tries on a few outfits and give her my opinions (hey, no fair, reasonably priced stuff looks good on her!), rush back to school for prayer meeting with coworkers, rush home and change out of work clothes and grab Bible and book, go to restaurant to meet Maria, have lovely dinner and conversation, go with Maria to Bible study, enjoy an amazing lesson from Beth Moore (and Lynn and Leslie!) come home, crash. Facebook?! Psssshhhh...
Thursday- Come home from work after a rough day. Want to check facebook but resist...am tired, anyway. Get a call from NTC that they might have an adjunct faculty position for me- want to be excited, but, after all the job-disappointments I've had lately, I'm hesitant to get my hopes up until everything is set in stone. Fall asleep for a bit. Dad wakes me up and says we're going to Culver's for dinner. Brush hair and fix makeup quick, and go out with family. Come home, eat Culver's ice cream and watch TV with Dad for a bit. Take shower, get ready for bed, try to work on Beth Moore study but don't get very far because I'm tired. Go to sleep.
Friday- Stop to fill car with gas on way home from work, practically have a heart attack when I see what gas prices are. Worrying that if they keep going up, I'm not going to be able to afford to drive to work anymore- and there's no other way for me to get to work except by my own car. *sigh* Drive the rest of the way home feeling stressed out- come home and find door locked, even though dad and brother are home. Normally a mild annoyance, but that means I have to dig for the house-key while carrying my purse, workout bag (even though I didn't make it to the gym after work), heavy bag of winter clothes for recess duty, and full nalgene bottle. Finally get in and try to kindly ask my dad to leave the door unlocked when it's broad daylight and he's right there in the house, but I can tell he senses I'm stressed out and feels guilty, and then I feel guilty for making him feel guilty. I make myself a cup of tea and try to enjoy a little conversation with my dad, but my emotions are too close to the surface today- it's physiological factors that are causing this, but I find myself really, really wanting to go on facebook for some reason. Urgh. Did I give up a social networking site for Lent, or a narcotic?!
Go to my room and check email and every other thing I normally check online besides facebook. There's some jobs I want to apply to (seems like the hours would work even if I'm teaching at NTC part time) and I need to tweak my presentation for church on Sunday- that should keep me busy. I stop to eat dinner with my family, then come back to the computer and get to work. I'm not really concentrating- I keep wanting to go to pinterest, modeling websites, youtube...grrrrr, this is NOT why I gave up facebook! Feeling the urge to go on it is supposed to drive me to God, not alternative websites. And I don't see myself being any better of a steward of my time than I was before giving up facebook. I just realized it's after midnight and I still have barely done anything today, including reading my Bible. Maybe this is why Jesus fasted for forty days and not 48 hours...it takes a while just to get over whatever you're fasting from. At least I hope that's what's going on; otherwise this is going to be a really wasted Lent.
Wednesday- Get up, go to work, after work kill some time at Target while I wait for my coworkers to get done so we can have prayer meeting, run into Kari and baby Cael at Target, vent about how expensive clothes are with Kari, watch Cael while Kari tries on a few outfits and give her my opinions (hey, no fair, reasonably priced stuff looks good on her!), rush back to school for prayer meeting with coworkers, rush home and change out of work clothes and grab Bible and book, go to restaurant to meet Maria, have lovely dinner and conversation, go with Maria to Bible study, enjoy an amazing lesson from Beth Moore (and Lynn and Leslie!) come home, crash. Facebook?! Psssshhhh...
Thursday- Come home from work after a rough day. Want to check facebook but resist...am tired, anyway. Get a call from NTC that they might have an adjunct faculty position for me- want to be excited, but, after all the job-disappointments I've had lately, I'm hesitant to get my hopes up until everything is set in stone. Fall asleep for a bit. Dad wakes me up and says we're going to Culver's for dinner. Brush hair and fix makeup quick, and go out with family. Come home, eat Culver's ice cream and watch TV with Dad for a bit. Take shower, get ready for bed, try to work on Beth Moore study but don't get very far because I'm tired. Go to sleep.
Friday- Stop to fill car with gas on way home from work, practically have a heart attack when I see what gas prices are. Worrying that if they keep going up, I'm not going to be able to afford to drive to work anymore- and there's no other way for me to get to work except by my own car. *sigh* Drive the rest of the way home feeling stressed out- come home and find door locked, even though dad and brother are home. Normally a mild annoyance, but that means I have to dig for the house-key while carrying my purse, workout bag (even though I didn't make it to the gym after work), heavy bag of winter clothes for recess duty, and full nalgene bottle. Finally get in and try to kindly ask my dad to leave the door unlocked when it's broad daylight and he's right there in the house, but I can tell he senses I'm stressed out and feels guilty, and then I feel guilty for making him feel guilty. I make myself a cup of tea and try to enjoy a little conversation with my dad, but my emotions are too close to the surface today- it's physiological factors that are causing this, but I find myself really, really wanting to go on facebook for some reason. Urgh. Did I give up a social networking site for Lent, or a narcotic?!
Go to my room and check email and every other thing I normally check online besides facebook. There's some jobs I want to apply to (seems like the hours would work even if I'm teaching at NTC part time) and I need to tweak my presentation for church on Sunday- that should keep me busy. I stop to eat dinner with my family, then come back to the computer and get to work. I'm not really concentrating- I keep wanting to go to pinterest, modeling websites, youtube...grrrrr, this is NOT why I gave up facebook! Feeling the urge to go on it is supposed to drive me to God, not alternative websites. And I don't see myself being any better of a steward of my time than I was before giving up facebook. I just realized it's after midnight and I still have barely done anything today, including reading my Bible. Maybe this is why Jesus fasted for forty days and not 48 hours...it takes a while just to get over whatever you're fasting from. At least I hope that's what's going on; otherwise this is going to be a really wasted Lent.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
After-Christmas Thoughts...
Throughout this past Christmas season, my heart was repeatedly drawn to Luke 1:26-56, where Mary first learns that she is to be the mother of the Messiah. For someone who was born under a church pew and can't remember ever not attending Sunday school (like myself), it's easy to mentally categorize people in the Bible into "bad people" (Queen Jezebel, King Saul, etc.) and "good people" (Abraham, Paul, and, of course, Mary and Joseph).
When Gabriel first tells Mary that she is to be the mother of Jesus (and clarifies a few confusing details for her!) her response is, "Behold, the maidservant of the Lord. May it be to me as you have said," (vs. 38). Having heard the Christmas story over and over since I was about two, it's easy for me to think, "Of course that's what she said; Mary was one of the 'good people' in the Bible!" But, then, it's easy to brush aside some of the details I've learned as a teenager/adult, like:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50 His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55 to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
I picture myself at age 13 or 14- in middle school, involved in my church youth group and school Bible club, but if God had called me to risk my life, my reputation, and my entire future, would I not only have said yes, but sang a song of praise to Him?
As most of you know, God has called me to (temporarily, at least,) lay down my own goals and dreams and go serve Him in Spain. Even my friends and family who don't share in my faith are excited for me. If I don't make a career out of missions, then having lived abroad and had my own classroom will look great on my grad school applications and resumes. Sometimes (well, most of the time!) the stress of support-raising and other details seem overwhelming, but I can hardly say that what God has asked of me holds a candle to what He asked of Mary 2,000 years ago...and, although I don't know what my future holds, I can't forsee anything that God would call me to having the same magnitude of what Mary was called to do. As I begin a new year, with my departure date for Spain coming closer and an uncertain future ahead of me, it is my prayer that, whatever God asks of me, I may have the same unhindered, joyful response as Mary in Luke 1.
"Behold, the maidservant of the Lord."
When Gabriel first tells Mary that she is to be the mother of Jesus (and clarifies a few confusing details for her!) her response is, "Behold, the maidservant of the Lord. May it be to me as you have said," (vs. 38). Having heard the Christmas story over and over since I was about two, it's easy for me to think, "Of course that's what she said; Mary was one of the 'good people' in the Bible!" But, then, it's easy to brush aside some of the details I've learned as a teenager/adult, like:
- Mary may have been as young as 14 when she gave birth to Jesus. She might have even been 13 when the angel came to her.
- She was engaged but not married. In her time and culture, having a baby out of wedlock (especially a baby that wasn't her fiancee's) wouldn't just mean nasty talk behind her back; it could mean death by stoning.
- That even if Joseph had broken off their engagement "quietly" as he planned to in order to spare her from public disgrace, her life still might have fallen apart- she couldn't simply go out and get a job or apply for government assistance in order to support herself and her child.
- The tremendous responsibility that fell upon her- as I've watched several of my friends become moms for the first time (or second, third, or fourth time!) the all seem to ask the same questions: "Can I handle this?" "Will I be a good mom?" "What if I don't raise this child right?" How many times would these concerns be amplified to an unmarried teenager responsible for raising the Son of God, who was to save His people from their sins?
“My soul glorifies the Lord
47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50 His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55 to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
I picture myself at age 13 or 14- in middle school, involved in my church youth group and school Bible club, but if God had called me to risk my life, my reputation, and my entire future, would I not only have said yes, but sang a song of praise to Him?
As most of you know, God has called me to (temporarily, at least,) lay down my own goals and dreams and go serve Him in Spain. Even my friends and family who don't share in my faith are excited for me. If I don't make a career out of missions, then having lived abroad and had my own classroom will look great on my grad school applications and resumes. Sometimes (well, most of the time!) the stress of support-raising and other details seem overwhelming, but I can hardly say that what God has asked of me holds a candle to what He asked of Mary 2,000 years ago...and, although I don't know what my future holds, I can't forsee anything that God would call me to having the same magnitude of what Mary was called to do. As I begin a new year, with my departure date for Spain coming closer and an uncertain future ahead of me, it is my prayer that, whatever God asks of me, I may have the same unhindered, joyful response as Mary in Luke 1.
"Behold, the maidservant of the Lord."
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