Facebook Fast- Day 7

According to Lent Tradition, I'm allowed to take a break from fasting on Sunday, but I didn't want Sunday to turn into a wasted-day of facebooking.  I decided to set a timer for 10 minutes and check facebook just to get rid of all those annoying red boxes at the top of the screen and to make sure no one had sent me any vital information.  Well, after about 5 minutes, all the red boxes were gone and I had nothing left to do- I finally just logged out after 7 minutes.  What does that say about facebook?  I don't need to be on it all day to communicate with friends or know what's going on in their lives- it really is more of a reality escape than I thought.

Monday was a full day with the Everest staff Bible study after school and then going to the Y to workout.  Tuesday was a bit less busy, and today was a snow day (which meant midweek Bible study and church was also canceled) so I had the whole day to do stuff other than facebook.  I actually sat down and did my Beth Moore studies one day at a time, instead of cramming them all in on Tuesday evening or Wednesday afternoon- I enjoy them so much more when I'm doing them one at a time, and the lessons have so much more time to sink in.  I know, I know...duhhhhhh.   You'd think that after years of Sunday school lessons and enough schoolwork to earn a BA, I'd have that one figured out by now. 

I had a convicting moment on Monday- the student that I normally work with during the afternoon was out sick, so I went to check on another student in the EBD program.  The teacher had just called the class to come sit on the floor in the front of the room for an activity, and he quickly sat by a friend who tends to help him get into trouble.  I asked him if he thought it was smart to sit there and he said "We can listen, I promise."  I told him that was fine, but he wasn't getting any warnings- one time goofing off with his friend and he was moving (using much more positive "teacher-talk," of course).  Of course, two minutes in, he's yammering away (loudly) with his friend, and tapped him and whispered, "Come over by me."  He "whispered" (loud enough to disrupt the whole class) back, "I'M NOT DOING NOTHING!" in a sharp, whiney tone.  I reached over and took his point sheet and dinged him for being disrespectful.  Once the activity was over, he came up to me and said that he hadn't "done anything" and I was "getting him into trouble." 

"[Name], why did I take points off on your point sheet?" I asked him.
"Because you want to get me in trouble!" he said.
"[Name], do you think that I can't hear you talking to [classmate] when you're supposed to be listening to the teacher?" I asked him.
"I was just telling him that you're always getting me in trouble!!" 
Okaaaay, so we were all sitting on the floor listening to the teacher and it was suddenly so urgent for you to tell your friend that I was "getting you in trouble" (by just sitting there near you) that you needed to disrupt your teacher's lesson?
"I didn't ask you what you were talking to your classmate about; I told you that you needed to move, and you refused and talked back to me.  That's why you lost points- if you had just moved when I asked, everything would have been fine.  But you chose to be disrespectful, and the rule is that you loose points when you're disrespectful."
"No, I always get into trouble because of you!"
Note: I only check on this kid when my regularly assigned student is absent.  He's in trouble a lot more often than she is absent.  Apparently I get him in trouble on those days, too?
"*sighs* [Name], the sooner you stop blaming other people and start taking responsibility for what you do, the easier your life will be."
(Idk if a third grader could take that in, but what else do you say?!)

That evening I went to Bible study with my coworkers, where we are studying the book of Ruth.  The lesson covered the verses where Naomi encourages her two widowed daughter-in-laws to return to their homeland, saying that "The Lord has dealt bitterly with me."  Naomi doesn't seem to remember how, before suffering came upon her and her family, she left the land that God had given to her people, went to live for several years in the land that God called "His washbasin," where immorality and idolatry were rampant, and allowed her sons to intermarry with foreign women.  Now, she is encouraging her daughter-in-laws to return to their false gods and human sacrifices, rather than come with her and serve her God.  And, all the suffering she has faced is soley because God is being mean to her, right?

Granted, Naomi is grieving the loss of her husband and sons, and is unsure of the future- as a woman in Old Testament times, she wouldn't have had any means of providing for herself.  In such a dark time, it's easy to be ruled by emotions and say things we don't mean.  Even so, Naomi's reaction toward God reminded me of my student's reaction to me- this is YOUR fault, YOU'RE causing all this trouble in my life, and I'm just your victim! 

Having been born under a church pew, I'd have to be pretty overwhelmed with emotion before I would consciously blame God for my problems, but how often do I do it in a more subtle way- asking God why He isn't providing for me when I've been careless with money, why I'm so stressed out when I've done nothing but facebook all day, why I'm not healthy when I haven't taken care of myself, why I'm so tired when I've been up all night doing nothing productive.  Hmmm...

 

Facebook Fast- From Tuesday Until Now (Day 3)

Tuesday- "Fat Tuesday"- Frantically try to figure out who's birthday's I'm going to miss and message them to let them know I'll be thinking of them on their birthday.  Stalk friends one last time.  Update my facebook picture and status to let people know not to attempt to communicate with me via facebook- use email or cell phone (or, hey, maybe even face-to-face communcation!) instead!  Yeah, it's only 40 days- I went the first 19 years of my life without facebook; I can handle 40 days.

Wednesday- Get up, go to work, after work kill some time at Target while I wait for my coworkers to get done so we can have prayer meeting, run into Kari and baby Cael at Target, vent about how expensive clothes are with Kari, watch Cael while Kari tries on a few outfits and give her my opinions (hey, no fair, reasonably priced stuff looks good on her!), rush back to school for prayer meeting with coworkers, rush home and change out of work clothes and grab Bible and book, go to restaurant to meet Maria, have lovely dinner and conversation, go with Maria to Bible study, enjoy an amazing lesson from Beth Moore (and Lynn and Leslie!) come home, crash.  Facebook?!  Psssshhhh...

Thursday- Come home from work after a rough day.  Want to check facebook but resist...am tired, anyway.  Get a call from NTC that they might have an adjunct faculty position for me- want to be excited, but, after all the job-disappointments I've had lately, I'm hesitant to get my hopes up until everything is set in stone. Fall asleep for a bit.  Dad wakes me up and says we're going to Culver's for dinner.  Brush hair and fix makeup quick, and go out with family.  Come home, eat Culver's ice cream and watch TV with Dad for a bit.  Take shower, get ready for bed, try to work on Beth Moore study but don't get very far because I'm tired.  Go to sleep.

Friday- Stop to fill car with gas on way home from work, practically have a heart attack when I see what gas prices are.  Worrying that if they keep going up, I'm not going to be able to afford to drive to work anymore- and there's no other way for me to get to work except by my own car.  *sigh*  Drive the rest of the way home feeling stressed out- come home and find door locked, even though dad and brother are home.  Normally a mild annoyance, but that means I have to dig for the house-key while carrying my purse, workout bag (even though I didn't make it to the gym after work), heavy bag of winter clothes for recess duty, and full nalgene bottle.  Finally get in and try to kindly ask my dad to leave the door unlocked when it's broad daylight and he's right there in the house, but I can tell he senses I'm stressed out and feels guilty, and then I feel guilty for making him feel guilty.  I make myself a cup of tea and try to enjoy a little conversation with my dad, but my emotions are too close to the surface today- it's physiological factors that are causing this, but I find myself really, really wanting to go on facebook for some reason.  Urgh.  Did I give up a social networking site for Lent, or a narcotic?! 

Go to my room and check email and every other thing I normally check online besides facebook.  There's some jobs I want to apply to (seems like the hours would work even if I'm teaching at NTC part time) and I need to tweak my presentation for church on Sunday- that should keep me busy.  I stop to eat dinner with my family, then come back to the computer and get to work.  I'm not really concentrating- I keep wanting to go to pinterest, modeling websites, youtube...grrrrr, this is NOT why I gave up facebook!  Feeling the urge to go on it is supposed to drive me to God, not alternative websites.   And I don't see myself being any better of a steward of my time than I was before giving up facebook.  I just realized it's after midnight and I still have barely done anything today, including reading my Bible.  Maybe this is why Jesus fasted for forty days and not 48 hours...it takes a while just to get over whatever you're fasting from.  At least I hope that's what's going on; otherwise this is going to be a really wasted Lent.