So, it's hard to believe I am four months into my year with Americorps. I was terrified when I first found out where I had been placed (I had requested high school and was placed in 4K, and everyone at my site assumed I could speak Spanish like a native, which I can't), but now I see that God was at work in that placement. I love working with all the staff there, and I know now for sure that my calling is in education- even after the worst days there, I still love working in a school. I'm not sure yet if I want to pursue a career as a teacher or something else (ie a school counselor) but I have time to figure that one out. It's good to have some clear direction, though!
Okay, Spain...I am planning to speak to the congregation at WAC on Jan 9th and then send out my support letters. I was really hoping to have them sent out by now, but my pastor advised that I speak to the congregation first so that they can put a face to my name and know I have the board's approval; not to mention the Christmas season would be a terrible time for support raising. It still gives me nine months to get all my support in, though.
I am having very mixed emotions about Spain...and the funny thing is, I'm glad I'm not feeling 100% enthused. I am watching my friends settle into careers and marriages and wishing that I were doing the same. I don't like the idea of going overseas for a year and then probably having a year or two of grad school when I get back- I just want to be settling down! But feeling this way tells me that I really am going to Spain out of obedience to God's calling on my life, not just trying to put off growing up. I also have mixed feelings about what I am getting into- I have a BA in Spanish (although I've lost a lot of what I learned!) and I have experience with cross-cultural work and ministry, but there is always the overwhelming feeling of going into the unknown, and the questions about whether I am really adequete for this ministry or not. And, again, I'm glad I feel that way- hopefully I'll be in for less of a shock than if I got on the plane thinking I had all this under my belt.
So, that's life right now...oh, and if you aren't in the WAC directory and would like to receive a support letter, please send me your address if you haven't already! (or email address if you are overseas!). Thanks!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Crosstraining 2010
This weekend I was asked to help out with the Intervarsity fall conference, Crosstraining, in Oshkosh. I was excited to be able to attend this conference again- I had attended my freshman and sophomore years at UWL and had great experiences! I was able to carpool and room with my good friend, Rachel, from UWL (who just moved to Wausau in Aug to take a teaching position), so it was great to catch up and have fellowship with her!
I went into the weekend expecting to lead students and help them hear from God, but I quickly found God had somethings He wanted to tell me, too!
1. Over the past few weeks, I have found myself struggling with assurance of my own salvation. I'll start wondering if I am really saved and going to Heaven, if I am misinterpreting what the Bible says about salvation, etc....of course, when I take those thoughts captive and think logically, I know I clearly remember praying to "ask Jesus into my heart," and I have seen God work in my life in too many ways since then for that to have been a false conversion. On Saturday night of the conference, everyone gathered together for a time of worship, and I found it hard to focus with these doubts and questions spinning in my mind. That's when I realized, these thoughts aren't from God or even from myself- these are direct lies from the enemy himself. When I question if all I believe in is true, I hold back from putting all of my hope and trust in Christ, and I am robbed of the peace and joy that He wants me to experience. When these thoughts strike, I need to not just chase them away with a pep talk to myself; I need to take authority over Satan in the name of Jesus and tell him to scrat- he is NOT going to take away the joy of my salvation!
2. My quiet time- this past year has actually been pretty good as far as staying up on Bible readings. My dad and I are going through a one-year Bible and trying to hold each other accountable to staying on top of the readings, and my mini-church has been going through a Bible reading schedule together, too. It's great to have the accountability to get the readings done...but sometimes, all I do is get them done! I need to take my quiet time more seriously and take time to talk to and hear from God, not just read through my Bible like it's a textbook. I won't always get an emotional high or some profound revelation through my quiet time with the Lord. But, you know what? I go to coffee dates or have IM chats with my friends, and I don't expect an emotional buzz or anything from that, but I take those times seriously because I value my friendships and want to stay in communication with the people I love. Shouldn't I value my relationship with God so much more?
3. To be more organized! I'm not sure where this one came from- maybe from being around Rachel, who, despite being a first-year teacher, somehow manages to keep her life in order. Or maybe from hearing speakers urge college students to take their studies, finances, etc in order and be good stewards of God's blessings. At any rate, I know my life would be a lot less stressful and I could keep my priorities more straight if I can keep things more organized - my things around the house, my finances, my time, and all the other things I'm blessed with. I tried to put what little energy I had into organizing my bedroom when I got home, and I made some progress, but I think this will be a multi day project! The important thing is that I get it done and then stick with it!
4. This is probably the hard one. During our worship celebration on Saturday, two people performed a skit wherein a girl is looking at herself in the mirror and asking God to make her into His masterpiece. God walks in with a chisel and hammer and explains that these are the tools that He needs to use to take away all that isn't Him so that she can be a reflection of His Son. The girl complains that it's painful, and God asks her, "Do you think I don't know pain?" He tells her to see this not as a punishment, but as a Father lovingly disciplining his child. It's scary to think what God might have to chisel off of me in order to make me His masterpiece- but He hasn't called me to an easy or a comfortable life. When I think about who God is and what He has done for me, how can I desire to be any less than His masterpiece?! I've asked Him to come chisel away what isn't of Him in my life, knowing that the temporary pain I may feel will be worth the joy that He brings me!
I think that sums it up- I'm so glad I was able to go this weekend! Nighty night for now!
I went into the weekend expecting to lead students and help them hear from God, but I quickly found God had somethings He wanted to tell me, too!
1. Over the past few weeks, I have found myself struggling with assurance of my own salvation. I'll start wondering if I am really saved and going to Heaven, if I am misinterpreting what the Bible says about salvation, etc....of course, when I take those thoughts captive and think logically, I know I clearly remember praying to "ask Jesus into my heart," and I have seen God work in my life in too many ways since then for that to have been a false conversion. On Saturday night of the conference, everyone gathered together for a time of worship, and I found it hard to focus with these doubts and questions spinning in my mind. That's when I realized, these thoughts aren't from God or even from myself- these are direct lies from the enemy himself. When I question if all I believe in is true, I hold back from putting all of my hope and trust in Christ, and I am robbed of the peace and joy that He wants me to experience. When these thoughts strike, I need to not just chase them away with a pep talk to myself; I need to take authority over Satan in the name of Jesus and tell him to scrat- he is NOT going to take away the joy of my salvation!
2. My quiet time- this past year has actually been pretty good as far as staying up on Bible readings. My dad and I are going through a one-year Bible and trying to hold each other accountable to staying on top of the readings, and my mini-church has been going through a Bible reading schedule together, too. It's great to have the accountability to get the readings done...but sometimes, all I do is get them done! I need to take my quiet time more seriously and take time to talk to and hear from God, not just read through my Bible like it's a textbook. I won't always get an emotional high or some profound revelation through my quiet time with the Lord. But, you know what? I go to coffee dates or have IM chats with my friends, and I don't expect an emotional buzz or anything from that, but I take those times seriously because I value my friendships and want to stay in communication with the people I love. Shouldn't I value my relationship with God so much more?
3. To be more organized! I'm not sure where this one came from- maybe from being around Rachel, who, despite being a first-year teacher, somehow manages to keep her life in order. Or maybe from hearing speakers urge college students to take their studies, finances, etc in order and be good stewards of God's blessings. At any rate, I know my life would be a lot less stressful and I could keep my priorities more straight if I can keep things more organized - my things around the house, my finances, my time, and all the other things I'm blessed with. I tried to put what little energy I had into organizing my bedroom when I got home, and I made some progress, but I think this will be a multi day project! The important thing is that I get it done and then stick with it!
4. This is probably the hard one. During our worship celebration on Saturday, two people performed a skit wherein a girl is looking at herself in the mirror and asking God to make her into His masterpiece. God walks in with a chisel and hammer and explains that these are the tools that He needs to use to take away all that isn't Him so that she can be a reflection of His Son. The girl complains that it's painful, and God asks her, "Do you think I don't know pain?" He tells her to see this not as a punishment, but as a Father lovingly disciplining his child. It's scary to think what God might have to chisel off of me in order to make me His masterpiece- but He hasn't called me to an easy or a comfortable life. When I think about who God is and what He has done for me, how can I desire to be any less than His masterpiece?! I've asked Him to come chisel away what isn't of Him in my life, knowing that the temporary pain I may feel will be worth the joy that He brings me!
I think that sums it up- I'm so glad I was able to go this weekend! Nighty night for now!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Waiting or Running Ahead?
So, this morning at WAC Pastor Greg preached on the passage in Joshua wherein the Israelites are preparing to cross the Jordan. They had to follow God completely by faith up to the point where they actually stepped into the flooded river and got their feet wet, and that's when they saw the waters part and where able to cross safetly. Sometimes following God is like that: we can be lead in a certain direction and wonder, "how on earth is this going to work out?" but God waits for us to take that first step of faith before showing us what He is really going to do. Pastor Greg pointed out that God likes to make us wait on Him because it forces us to trust in Him...but sometimes, us waiting on Him is actually Him waiting on us to take that first step of faith.
This evening in my mini-church, I mentioned that I was really worried about what I was going to do after I got back from Spain. I don't know if I want to pursue K-12 teacher's liscensure (did God close that door during my undergrad because He wanted me in Spain first, or because I'm not meant to be a teacher at all?), if I want to pursue a Master's in TESOL without teaching liscensure (in the hopes of teaching adults or teaching somewhere other than public schools), or if I'm supposed to make a completely different career path. I looked into some programs at Northcentral Technical college here in Wausau and was interested in the paramedic technician program or the DHH Interpreter program, and I've also thought about going for a master's in counseling. (If I did that, I would definitely want to go through a Christian school, and it might mean going back for a second undergrad first). My mini-churchmates kept saying I have two years to decide, and even then I don't have to decide right when I get back from Spain. I guess they're right, but not knowing might mean getting stuck in an entry-level job again (NO MORE CALL CENTERS OR WAITRESSING, PLEASE!!!), and trying to get everything in place while I'm in Spain could be a real nightmare. I almost transferred from UWL to UW Madison while I was studying in Mexico, and getting together my transcripts, applications, etc. was an absolute nightmare.
One of minichurchmates, Winter, pointed out that she sees me as someone who needs to look ahead and know what's going on in the future. She's right; I do tend to forget to live in the present. I should add that today after church I mentioned to a friend, Angie, that I was going to Madrid next year and she flipped out with excitement for me...and I just kind of stood there grinning and saying, "Yeah...I'll be excited once I get my support raised." I can't get excited about the future unless I have all of my ducks in a row!
I don't want to make God wait on me...but sometimes, He is going to ask me to wait on Him. He isn't always going to show me everything laid out in front of me. Sometimes, He is going to ask me to take the first step of faith- and, sometimes, He's even going to make me wait on that.
I know what I need to do right now. I need to live each day as it comes for God's glory and make sure I'm following Him hot on His heels. I need to trust that He will provide me with what I need to serve Him in Spain, and that He will take care of things when I get back, too! If I'm earnestly seeking Him, it's not like He's going to hide His will from me just to tease me (He's "God the Father," who wants to do great things in my life -- not "God the Pesky Younger Sibling" who hides important stuff from me just to watch me sweat!). Now, if I can just keep that in my head, I'll make life a lot less stressful for myself!
This evening in my mini-church, I mentioned that I was really worried about what I was going to do after I got back from Spain. I don't know if I want to pursue K-12 teacher's liscensure (did God close that door during my undergrad because He wanted me in Spain first, or because I'm not meant to be a teacher at all?), if I want to pursue a Master's in TESOL without teaching liscensure (in the hopes of teaching adults or teaching somewhere other than public schools), or if I'm supposed to make a completely different career path. I looked into some programs at Northcentral Technical college here in Wausau and was interested in the paramedic technician program or the DHH Interpreter program, and I've also thought about going for a master's in counseling. (If I did that, I would definitely want to go through a Christian school, and it might mean going back for a second undergrad first). My mini-churchmates kept saying I have two years to decide, and even then I don't have to decide right when I get back from Spain. I guess they're right, but not knowing might mean getting stuck in an entry-level job again (NO MORE CALL CENTERS OR WAITRESSING, PLEASE!!!), and trying to get everything in place while I'm in Spain could be a real nightmare. I almost transferred from UWL to UW Madison while I was studying in Mexico, and getting together my transcripts, applications, etc. was an absolute nightmare.
One of minichurchmates, Winter, pointed out that she sees me as someone who needs to look ahead and know what's going on in the future. She's right; I do tend to forget to live in the present. I should add that today after church I mentioned to a friend, Angie, that I was going to Madrid next year and she flipped out with excitement for me...and I just kind of stood there grinning and saying, "Yeah...I'll be excited once I get my support raised." I can't get excited about the future unless I have all of my ducks in a row!
I don't want to make God wait on me...but sometimes, He is going to ask me to wait on Him. He isn't always going to show me everything laid out in front of me. Sometimes, He is going to ask me to take the first step of faith- and, sometimes, He's even going to make me wait on that.
I know what I need to do right now. I need to live each day as it comes for God's glory and make sure I'm following Him hot on His heels. I need to trust that He will provide me with what I need to serve Him in Spain, and that He will take care of things when I get back, too! If I'm earnestly seeking Him, it's not like He's going to hide His will from me just to tease me (He's "God the Father," who wants to do great things in my life -- not "God the Pesky Younger Sibling" who hides important stuff from me just to watch me sweat!). Now, if I can just keep that in my head, I'll make life a lot less stressful for myself!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hi Everyone!!
Okay, I'm thinking it's probably time to just start a new blog...I haven't touched my Xanga since graduation, and blogspot seems to be more popular among my peers at this point (so it's easier for me to stalk my friends on here...hehehe!)
Anyway, an update...
I finished my BA from UW La Crosse in December of 2009, with a major in Spanish and an minor in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages. I moved back to my parents' home in Wausau, where I am still living now. Not exactly what I had planned to do at age 24, but with the job market the way it is (on top of the monkey-wrench that got thrown into my career plans right before graduation!), it was by far the best financial decision I could make. Sometimes its tough to be an adult and still have to answer to my parents, but ultimately I am so thankful to them for helping me out while I complete the next steps in my life.
After graduation, I spent the most discouraging eight months of my life working in a call center where I occasionally felt like I was helping people, but mostly just got screamed at for things that weren't in my control (all for a whopping $8.50 an hour). I had originally thought that God had taken away my dream of becoming a teacher because He first wanted me to go serve on the mission field in Spain for a year, but no opportunities to Spain were on the horizon. I sometimes wondered if answering phones was all that my college degree was going to get me...but, of course, God had other plans that I just couldn't see.
In August, I was offered a position with the Greater Wausau Area Americorps Team, serving as a bilingual aide for the Newcomers Center at A.C. Kiefer (in a 4-year-old Kindergarten classroom). The Americorps living allowance was a slight paycut, but the educational award at the end of the year will more than compensate! I am working with an amazing team of educators and a great bunch of kids at Kiefer and I'm really learning a lot about what teaching involves. My heart is still set on secondary education (especially middle school!) but getting this experience with the little ones has definitely stretched me!
Well, obviously the Americorps position was a one year thing...but at the same time, God also randomly led me to One Mission Society, and...well...I'm not quite sure what happened, but somehow I ended up applying for a short term program doing ESL ministry in Spain, and I was accepted. I say I'm not sure what happened because there were months and months of looking for an opportunity to serve in Spain, then I randomly stumbled across a page on the internet, emailed the organization for more information, and now I have no idea where that page is or what it said! But I will be leaving in August of 2011 to teach English (in a very informal setting) and build relationships with the people of Madrid, with the hopes of eventually sharing the love of Christ with them. I don't know many details yet, but I do know that I will be raising about 22,000 in support (prayers please?) and that I will have four weeks of training in July in Indiana. Details will come as I obtain them!
Hmm, what else...still doing some modeling, mostly promotional work since that's what's available in Wausau. I've thought about trying to get a second job but I'm torn between needing money and needing rest. I'm really hoping that modeling opportunities- even non-glamorous promotions - will continue to come in steadily enough that I don't need to search for a second job. Also working on building my online business, Appleton Enterprises, but that will be slow this year as preparation for Spain will take a priority over my other finances, including business investments.
Oh, I have been able to get involved with my "new" church, Wausau Alliance. I started attending there just after Christmas 2007 whenever I was home from college, and I always went with one of my best friends, Katie. Katie, the Air-Force Wife, moved away a few months before I graduated, so not only did I miss her terribly but I had to go to church without her. It was scary the first few weeks, but God provided me with some amazing opportunities to serve and to have fellowship with others. Between now and last January, I have gone from sitting alone every Sunday to sitting with a whole group of people around my age (often followed by lunch and fun times after the service!), being part of a wonderful mini-church, and serving as an Awana Cubbies leader, Sunday School helper, and helping with Children's Church and in the nursery. I really look forward to Sunday mornings now and always come home from church with lots to process throughout the week. I think that Wausau Alliance will be one thing I will miss the most when I leave for Spain.
As far as life after Spain, my options include a) Going to grad school to pursue teacher certification (probably at UW Milwaukee); b) Going to grad school for a Master's in TESOL and pursuing a career teaching adults (we'll see how I like teaching in Spain vs. working with the Wausau School District) or c)Going to Northcentral Technical college for a different degree unrelated to teaching. Glad I have two years to decide that one.
So, that's life right now! More to come!
Anyway, an update...
I finished my BA from UW La Crosse in December of 2009, with a major in Spanish and an minor in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages. I moved back to my parents' home in Wausau, where I am still living now. Not exactly what I had planned to do at age 24, but with the job market the way it is (on top of the monkey-wrench that got thrown into my career plans right before graduation!), it was by far the best financial decision I could make. Sometimes its tough to be an adult and still have to answer to my parents, but ultimately I am so thankful to them for helping me out while I complete the next steps in my life.
After graduation, I spent the most discouraging eight months of my life working in a call center where I occasionally felt like I was helping people, but mostly just got screamed at for things that weren't in my control (all for a whopping $8.50 an hour). I had originally thought that God had taken away my dream of becoming a teacher because He first wanted me to go serve on the mission field in Spain for a year, but no opportunities to Spain were on the horizon. I sometimes wondered if answering phones was all that my college degree was going to get me...but, of course, God had other plans that I just couldn't see.
In August, I was offered a position with the Greater Wausau Area Americorps Team, serving as a bilingual aide for the Newcomers Center at A.C. Kiefer (in a 4-year-old Kindergarten classroom). The Americorps living allowance was a slight paycut, but the educational award at the end of the year will more than compensate! I am working with an amazing team of educators and a great bunch of kids at Kiefer and I'm really learning a lot about what teaching involves. My heart is still set on secondary education (especially middle school!) but getting this experience with the little ones has definitely stretched me!
Well, obviously the Americorps position was a one year thing...but at the same time, God also randomly led me to One Mission Society, and...well...I'm not quite sure what happened, but somehow I ended up applying for a short term program doing ESL ministry in Spain, and I was accepted. I say I'm not sure what happened because there were months and months of looking for an opportunity to serve in Spain, then I randomly stumbled across a page on the internet, emailed the organization for more information, and now I have no idea where that page is or what it said! But I will be leaving in August of 2011 to teach English (in a very informal setting) and build relationships with the people of Madrid, with the hopes of eventually sharing the love of Christ with them. I don't know many details yet, but I do know that I will be raising about 22,000 in support (prayers please?) and that I will have four weeks of training in July in Indiana. Details will come as I obtain them!
Hmm, what else...still doing some modeling, mostly promotional work since that's what's available in Wausau. I've thought about trying to get a second job but I'm torn between needing money and needing rest. I'm really hoping that modeling opportunities- even non-glamorous promotions - will continue to come in steadily enough that I don't need to search for a second job. Also working on building my online business, Appleton Enterprises, but that will be slow this year as preparation for Spain will take a priority over my other finances, including business investments.
Oh, I have been able to get involved with my "new" church, Wausau Alliance. I started attending there just after Christmas 2007 whenever I was home from college, and I always went with one of my best friends, Katie. Katie, the Air-Force Wife, moved away a few months before I graduated, so not only did I miss her terribly but I had to go to church without her. It was scary the first few weeks, but God provided me with some amazing opportunities to serve and to have fellowship with others. Between now and last January, I have gone from sitting alone every Sunday to sitting with a whole group of people around my age (often followed by lunch and fun times after the service!), being part of a wonderful mini-church, and serving as an Awana Cubbies leader, Sunday School helper, and helping with Children's Church and in the nursery. I really look forward to Sunday mornings now and always come home from church with lots to process throughout the week. I think that Wausau Alliance will be one thing I will miss the most when I leave for Spain.
As far as life after Spain, my options include a) Going to grad school to pursue teacher certification (probably at UW Milwaukee); b) Going to grad school for a Master's in TESOL and pursuing a career teaching adults (we'll see how I like teaching in Spain vs. working with the Wausau School District) or c)Going to Northcentral Technical college for a different degree unrelated to teaching. Glad I have two years to decide that one.
So, that's life right now! More to come!
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